Going back to work

Today I took Freddy to Betty's, my mother in law. I was so sad to drop him off, but happy to get rolling on the planning for the new school year. That should have been an initial sign to me that everything would not be okay. It was awful. I had a headache, I was not used to sitting and thinking for that long, and I kept thinking about Freddy's nap and feed schedule and wondering how he was doing. I didn't get along with my colleagues...and I didn't want to be there five minutes into starting the planning. So much for being excited for a new year. When I picked him up in the afternoon, close to 4, I was exhausted. And there weren't even kids there that day. This is going to be harder than I would have ever dreamed! When I picked him up at Betty's he was kind of grumbling at me, which he has done twice now when I have left him for shorter amounts of time. He was crying by the time I got him in the car, and I just thought of the hours ahead before I could go to sleep. Not the best thought after picking your brand new beautiful baby up from not seeing him all day. when I got home I kind of collapsed on the bed, and because he was hungry, of course, he was crying. I started crying too and looked down at him wondering if he really knew what I was going through. Babies know so much more than we think they do. In fact, one of the reasons I think babies CAN'T talk is because they know too much and would blurt it all out. The veil is very thin for them, and I think right then, he veil was extremely thin. He looked into my eyes, which for a three year is different. I felt like he could feel my emotions and quieted down immediately. He looked at me for a good 30 seconds. And I felt peace for a few moments. Hope there are moments like these to keep me going. :)