Beginning of my married life!

March 14, 2010
It's obviously been four months since I have been hitched now, but its better to start than now never. It's been an interesting trip so far. I actually have had more struggles than I would have hoped for. Fred is a very social and energetic guy. I am an energertic and social girl, or so I thought. I feel I am getting more and more away from the social side of me which makes me sad. I am constantly praying that I can find myself again. I guess I have kind of lost myself within Fred.

The things that bothered me about Fred have magnified, like the fact that he doesn't have a job, struggling with school, and plays video games too much are some of the biggest concerns I have. He is very supportive of me although and who am I to boss him around. he is an adult, but yet sometimes I pray he will grow out of the habits he has.

School was hard to balance with at first. I just wanted to go home and be with Fred all the time. We became very secluded people and after a month or two he wanted to start having friends over and going out. I guess I just like to have just him around because when others come around he dominates alot of the conversation. He's a talker alright. I have trouble getting him to not talk about himself. We had a few arguments about that, but then again that shows how selfish and self-centered I was. He usually starts all the conversation and he must not like any silence because if its quiet for too long he'll make up for the lost time.

It was also hard to come home after a long day and see him playing games on the couch. I was tired and had worked hard and all I would expect from another half is to work equally as hard. So that's another struggle.

That losing myself feeling is the hardest part of this. I am grateful I was given an assignment to teach the Youth a Hoedown dance for the July Celebration. I miss dancing. I miss the time I had to scrapbook and I would pobably do these things more but I am terribly tired when I get home and Fred will just play video games if I do it. I guess I shouldn't try to stop it. It's inevitable. I hate them. It wouldn't be so bad but he has violent and suggestive ones. He struggles with shows that have heavy sexual content and I struggle with anything that has violence. I am just worried it will filter into my childrens' lives.

I haven't been doing anything that would develop my talents lately and I just feel lousy. I have so many plans to change the world and I feel like I go to work, sometimes make dinner, watch Heroes or some other meaningless show, and go to bed. Then repeat. Meaningless. I have so many dreams to affect youth across the world through motivational speaking or dancing. I want to be a dance teacher. I want to serve and do missionary work. I guess I am just not being patient with myself.