Freddy's shutterfly album

Check out the Shutterfly book I made of little Freddy.... :)

Click here to view this photo book larger

Grandparents are grand!

Recently, we had my parents come to meet our new addition (as well as help as build a new roof). Both were accomplished beautifully. We loved having Mimi and Papa Flake here. It is sad they live so far away. We've tried to convince them to relocate here, but the weather scares them away. Fred loved all the extra love he received from his flaky grandparents :)

We also love Grandma and Grandpa Rabe. They have loved spending time with Freddy and Grandma Rabe that has an unquenchable thirst to love her grandson. We feel so blessed to have such great and supportive grandparents. It makes such a difference...

Freddy's Birthday

Karen scheduled for me to be induced the morning of May 15th at 7:00 in the morning. First births usually take awhile, so best to start early. They asked us to call the hospital at 6:00 to make sure everything was ready. When I called, they told me so many walk-ins had come during the night that there were no rooms available. What a depressing start to a day. I has already showered and went to bed crying. I did not want to wait a moment later. So I slept heavily until my phone rang at 9:00. They told me another nurse came in so they could enter me whenever I could make it there. I was so relieved. I showered, dressed, and we packed everything in the car. In a way, I was so excited, and in other ways, I feared for the unknown. We stopped at McDonald's for a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit cause I knew it would be the last meal for a very long time. We checked into the hospital and started signing papers. That only took about ten minutes, and then a nurse took me back to the room. She explained that Karen want to come in and break my water, so before she could do that, I would need to be strapped to an IV. This was a part I was pretty scared about. I had had an IV once before for my wisdom teeth, but never while I am still up. I have to say it was one of the more painful parts of the delivery. Maybe that's a wimpy thing to say, but it was a continual ache through the experience. Only after the epidural numbed my arms (because I was too short) did I get some relief from my IV. About 30 minutes after my IV, they started me on Pitocin. It is the medicine that starts your labor. The contractions started off very small, almost like the Braxton Hicks. An hour later, they had gotten a little more painful, so they started my epidural. I was so scared because I had heard horror stories about how long the needle was, how it hurt and sent pain down your legs, and how it causes paralysis if it is done incorrectly. Fred held my feet while I leaned over. He kept talking about something to help me smile, but I told him to be quiet. I wanted no noise. I felt a sharp pain down my leg and a cold liquid running on the inside of my back. Honestly other than the sting of the needle, it felt pretty funny. Once the epidural started to spread, I could feel nothing. It felt so wonderful. It was the best I had felt all of my pregnancy.

We watched Downton Abbey as I felt my legs, stomach, and even my arm with the IV went numb. That felt really great. They checked me, and I was dilated to a 3. An hour later, the nurse came in and put an oxygen mask on me, but didn't say why. I finally asked when she came in to check the monitor.  They said that the baby was slowing his breathing during the contractions, so they were going to have to take me off of the Pitocin. I was really worried and upset because they didn't want to talk about it with me, I guess not to worry me. But by not talking about it, I was more nervous. So they turned off the Pitocin, and they propped my right leg off on a stirrup and I was hanging sideways with a sheet over me since I was all out in the open. I was a little embarrassed and sad that things weren't going well. 30 minutes later they can in to check my dilation. I was at a 9. So they took me off the horse :) and they prepared me for delivery. It all happened really fast. The nurses started moving in an incubator to clean and test the baby, they started putting down towels and the nurses got dressed to get dirty. They wanted me to start pushing to start stretching me out. So I pushed for ten easy minutes. I didn't feel anything, but a little pressure in the lower part of my stomach. Then Karen came in and wondered why I was pushing. She said he needed to move down in my uterus and turn his head more and I would have to wait another hour or two. I was fine with that because I was really in no pain. But after Karen left, I took a 30 minute nap, and woke up with heavy back pain. I realized I had not been pressing the pain button on the epidural button. SO basically, my epidural stopped working. The guy came in twice to give me two doses of medicine, but it was too late. The medicine only kicked in at certain parts of the body. I felt contractions in all the wrong places for about an hour and a half. I seriously felt like dying. Fred brought me ice, rubbed my face, and helped in every way he could. But then the pain really kicked in and I started to yell at Fred that he needed to just leave me alone. He felt pretty helpless I am sure, but I just needed to go through the contractions alone. I had never felt pain like that. Finally, finally, the doctor came in and we started to push for real. My nurse that had been super great all day had to leave at 4, and when I started pushing at 5:45 or so, I got a nurse that was a little harsher. It hurt every push. Finally they told me the head was approaching, but I was so tired by this time I couldn't push anymore. So they called in another doctor to get forceps in to pull him out. Luckily though my midwife told me if I didn't push hard enough, I might have to have a C-section. Well that made me a little mad and a little scared. SO I pushed like I had never pushed. It was hard just because I couldn't feel where or when to push, but finally he came out and I felt relief. They placed his blue, wet little body on my stomach. He head was cone-shaped, and right away I saw his cute little heart nostrils.

The next few hours were a blur. I held him for the first time, and he was beautiful. I felt tired and happy all at the same time.

Other than a little Jaundice, he was healthy. His little cries were so small and it was a tiny miracle he recognized my voice. He was so alert and I loved him right away. I was so excited to show him off to our parents and friends. We were lucky. Here's to a new chapter in our lives.

Going back to work

Today I took Freddy to Betty's, my mother in law. I was so sad to drop him off, but happy to get rolling on the planning for the new school year. That should have been an initial sign to me that everything would not be okay. It was awful. I had a headache, I was not used to sitting and thinking for that long, and I kept thinking about Freddy's nap and feed schedule and wondering how he was doing. I didn't get along with my colleagues...and I didn't want to be there five minutes into starting the planning. So much for being excited for a new year. When I picked him up in the afternoon, close to 4, I was exhausted. And there weren't even kids there that day. This is going to be harder than I would have ever dreamed! When I picked him up at Betty's he was kind of grumbling at me, which he has done twice now when I have left him for shorter amounts of time. He was crying by the time I got him in the car, and I just thought of the hours ahead before I could go to sleep. Not the best thought after picking your brand new beautiful baby up from not seeing him all day. when I got home I kind of collapsed on the bed, and because he was hungry, of course, he was crying. I started crying too and looked down at him wondering if he really knew what I was going through. Babies know so much more than we think they do. In fact, one of the reasons I think babies CAN'T talk is because they know too much and would blurt it all out. The veil is very thin for them, and I think right then, he veil was extremely thin. He looked into my eyes, which for a three year is different. I felt like he could feel my emotions and quieted down immediately. He looked at me for a good 30 seconds. And I felt peace for a few moments. Hope there are moments like these to keep me going. :)

Impatiently waiting

The week before I delivered was a continuous nightmare for me. I was due on May 7th and up until then, I was happy to wait the extra time. I had a lot to get ready. The baby room, the house needed a good clean, and I was still semi-working by lesson planning or grading papers. About two days before although, I started feeling more and more ready, and by the time Monday hit, my bags had been packed, the car seat was ready to go, the baby room was organized, and the house was cleaned as much as could be. I was ready. Mentally and physically, I had had enough of this pregnancy. The many symptoms, sleepless nights, moments of inadequacy, and the days of walking around like a big balloon were coming to an end. The day before my due date I thought I would do some things to help speed up the process. We went for a long walk, we drove down a bumpy road, I jumped in place (no tramp), I ate pineapple. No matter what you do, the baby will come out when he is ready. So on the due date, I was only a little surprised that I had not even felt a contraction yet. May 9th was my overdue doctor's appointment, so my doctor did a scraping on my cervix. I had heard it wouldn't hurt, but that was just not so. It felt very uncomfortable and for the rest of the day I started to feel small Braxton Hicks contractions. They didn't hurt at all and that made me sad. I was ready for the pain. Karen McBride, my midwife said I should be entering the hospital sometime that night, but unfortunately, my cervix was a little more stubborn. The next day, (May 13th) I woke up with no contractions. It hadn't worked. I had Fred stay home from work, because we were sure a second scraping would send me straight into labor. It didn't. It just made me that much more sore. My Braxton Hicks contractions were stronger, but still not very painful. Fred and I were able to continue cleaning up areas of the house we had ignored, but I was too depressed to do anything. Again I woke up the next day with no contractions. I felt he was growing too big and the more he waited, the bigger of a baby I would have to pop out. Small girls have a really hard time having vaginal births, and a C-section was a very strong possibility. So day after day, Fred and I went on walks, tried to bring this baby in the world, but he was a little more stubborn that! The doctor scheduled my appointment with the hospital for me to be induced. I was nervous, but ready. As the day came nearer, my nerves were on end. I was more emotional than I had ever been in my whole pregnancy, and that was saying something. When the day finally came I was nervous, but ready.

Starting our family...symptoms and blessings

Fred and I decided that in our second year of marriage, we should start trying for a baby. We only had a small window of time to get pregnant. I wanted to still teach and so the window opened in August and it would have closed in October. I felt confident that if it was meant to be, it would happen. And it took only a few weeks to get pregnant. We did not take a pregnancy test until 6 weeks, but I knew secretly inside I was. I was in the bathtub when my feelings were confirmed. I peed on the pink stick and a few minutes later, Fred came in and read that he saw a positive pink sign. I lay back in the tub and thought about how our lives would change. It was kind of a surreal moment.

For the next few months, I had symptoms that in comparison with other pregos were pretty mild. I have had a cold for pretty much my whole pregnancy. It made it hard for me to sleep and I made weird vibrating snores on especially stuffy nights. I threw up almost every morning, usually because I gagged on my toothbrush, but sometimes I didn't make it out of the shower before it came on. It was mostly yellow, acidic bile. Very gross. It wasn't fun, but at least it only happened once a day. Other than that, if I ate on time, or didn't eat too much, I would be fine.

Our first ultrasound appointment was pretty neat, seeing the baby move for the first time. Michelle was our first midwife, but she broke her arm and we had to change to Karen McBride 8 months into the pregnancy. :( It was sad, but I guess a doctor is a doctor. When they took my blood for the first time, I could barely splash some blood in the tube. I was so dehydrated. It was hard to drink a lot at school, because bathroom escapes were not easy. He sat low on my bladder too and so I was CONSTANTLY going to the bathroom. That was one of my least favorite symptoms. Then the heartburn came. I had never had that before. Before every meal, after every meal, in between meals, anytime really, I felt this burning in my chest. Thank goodness for Tums, although chalky it may have been. On week 19 or 20, we went to a doctors appointment, and they always gave us an ultrasound to add to our cd. This time, we found out our little jellybean was a boy, and that he loved to move around. Michelle had to chase him around with the ultrasound stick. So we already had a boy and girl name picked out...Anna Claire and Fred the fifth. It was a deal breaker. I was a little sad to find out it was a boy just because every woman wants a little girl to take care of, and what if I never get one? But I am also glad it was a boy because we could get the legacy taken care of and I would not have to keep trying for a boy. Mixed feelings I guess.

Months later, I am excited to be having a boy first, although at all the baby showers, the girl clothing was so much more cuter. :( Oh well, hopefully one day. He continues to grow healthy and strong. Then I started having pains right under my chest that was kind of a numbing feeling. It was horrible. I iced it almost every night and took a bath most nights until I realized I smelled like old bathwater all the time. Then I started limiting my baths. :)

Teaching got harder and harder. Standing up was becoming so hard so I would sit behind my desk most of the day. Thank goodness for Lori Taylor and all of her help in my classroom. My students were very supportive and excited. I shared with them an ultrasound and gave them updates regularly. When it came closer tot he date, I am sure they got tired of all the extra errands I had them run for me, and all them many things I dropped and had them pick up for me.

Fred has been a gem throughout my entire pregnancy. He's had his days, but for the most part, has been so supportive and helpful. I get very emotional, especially the last two weeks of my pregnancy, and I am very needy. I couldn't, or chose not to cook. It made me sick to even smell food and standing more than I had to was never what I wanted. And so he gracefully cooked all the food, made my grits, macaroni and cheese, ice cream splits, or whatever I was craving at the time. He was my hero. And on really bad nights, he would rub my feet or play with my hair and we would watch our shows in bed. It became our hangout spot. We never ate at the table, which has become a terrible habit which we now need to break. He always holds me when I have my emotional moments, and they are many!

Baby Showers

Then there were my baby showers. The first one was kind of disappointing to me. It was my family one, except that none of my family came. I don't have alot of Flake family around so I was sad that the few I invited, didn't come. I know most of Fred's family, but I still feel more comfortable around my own family.

The second one that I had was the one Lynette and Danielle threw me at school. I got a few things I needed. But I noticed a pattern. Most people who I didn't have a strong relationship with usually got me an outfit. And it was usually 0-3 months. Well that was kind of disappointing. I had plenty of 0-3 clothes donated to me and I wanted to be able to clothe him for the other months of year. Plus they grow so fast, I knew he wouldn't be in them for long. Plus I noticed some of the outfits were either under 3 dollars or over 8. For one outfit! Geesh....I am never getting outfits for anyone for their baby shower.

I also got a plethora of blankets. In a Mormon community, everyone knows how to sew, quilt, and needlepoint. I must have been given twenty blankets. I wanted people so badly to take advantage of my registry. I needed everything...bottles, baby equipment, baby essentials....just everything.

That's why my third shower with all of my besties and favorite people was my favorite shower. Kirsten did an amazing job and it was so good to some of my closest friends. I felt homesick for Georgia and my family, but after this shower I realized how many great friends I have in Utah.

They actually got me things I really needed. I got the Boppy pillow I wanted, baby monitors, lots of kitchen supplies, diapers and wipes, safety equipment for the house, and even a little tub. I know you might think that a little outfit would be better than these boring items, but I was so happy and relieved to be getting things that I needed.

We also decorated alot of white onesies. They turned out so cute.

The ward threw me a 4th shower and I had just a few of my close friends come to it. I got mostly outfits again, but at this point, I had started getting donations from friends, and I was less worried about not having something. I also understand that you do not have to have EVERYthing that they try to sell you for your baby. The final shower was not really a shower, but a party for me and my students. It was the last day of school I worked (thank goodness). It ended up being such a blast. We played games like estimating how big my stomach was, guessing baby pictures of my students, guessing which attributes would be Fred's and which little Freddy would get from me, and then the baby dash.

We had cake in the shape of an owl. It was so cute. I also got many things I needed at this shower. Lori Taylor, a dear friend to me, helped so much to make sure I was given some of the items on my registry. I felt very loved by all of my students. They made me a book wiht advice of what mothers should do or say to their children. SOme are hilarious....Moms should always let you go outside to play. Moms should kiss you goodnight every night, read you a bedtime story, the list goes on and on. They also decorated my door all cute!