My butt hurts!

So I've decided that if I want the opportunity to intern for a dancing studio, I better care about what my body looks like. I am not a natzi when it comes to exercising or eating healthy though. I hate obsessing about it. It makes walking and living life unbearable when you can't squeeze the time in and it makes eating a worrisome chore that is restricted from time to time. No fun.

But I have started running again. I've always HATED running with a passion. And don't get me wrong, I still do! But the effects of me running are incredible. My weight slims down amazingly, my face looks thinner, and I actually feel more energy to do the rest of my daily duties. I still hate it.

I get all puffy and if there is one thing I hate more than running, it's running with somebody. Why would you want to inflict your breathing and your sweat dripping on somebody elso. Honestly! Good thing I ran today. I had the most amazing steak dinner at my RC's house. They are doing well! They are set to be sealed in June, but he is dying of cancer. I really hope they make it before then.

One of my favorite things about living in Vegas is seeing my old investigators, RC's and members. I saw quite a few this weekend and it is nice to remember what you used to do for them. It helped me forget about trials for a time.

I miss my ex-bf incredibly. I have been thinking of him more and more recently. He was basically the only person I've been serious with since my ex-fiance. I've had millions of crushes but they are more flings and whims to help me to get up every morning. This ex of mine was an amazing person to me and other than it not being right...well it just sucks that that was the result. I've been thinking about him lately because I am wondering what the reunion will be like when I go back to Idaho to graduate. He has my dishes and a box of books that I left behind. We''re friends....I guess. We just never talk because it's too painful for me. In half of a second I think it could be l love at first sight again and we'll just start back where we left off. I'll let him hold me for hours and it will be like old times. And then the other half-second, I realize that his angry side came out most of the last week I was there and I'd rather not see that again. In any case, I miss the companionship of being that close to someone.

A new one

There is a guy who likes me and he's way nice. Story of my life...despite what everyone thinks, I am not anxious to start a relationship. I like guys until they are either rude to me or they become interested. My brother and I have this same twisted thinking. We like what we can't have and when we have it, we don't want it anymore. Ahh such is life. One day we'll find what we're looking for and then the search will be over, but curses until we get there.

So I am torn whether to fight my fears of dating and give him a chance even though there is no physical attraction or chemistry, or wait until I feel it. I don't exactly "feel" it very often. In fact, once I like a guy, it takes quite awhile for me to "unlike' them. Although if they move to "Alaska," spit in my face with rudeness and ignorance, or have any other wordly and hurtful behavior, it speeds up the process.

I've spent the last week with this individual. I've given him quite a few hours. So how much time is enough to give to someone? I was driving with him today and a thought hit me. This thought made me exceptionally mad at all those who have led me on in the past, unknowingly and knowingly. I refuse to be that way to another person. It's their life too. They should feel some type of control.
I guess another week wouldn't hurt but I honestly want to draw my own blood before I settle in a relationship with someone I don't feel that "feeling" with. Good thing I am the only one reading this. I do love writing. :)

Beginnings

So a couple of my friends have a blog on this site and I realized that writing is an extremely wonderful outlet that I should be taken advantage of as well.

I don't particularly care who reads this. This is more a spot for me to share my worries and cares. Writing them down makes me feel like they are worthy thoughts and I only care what kind of progress I make in life. So here goes....