woes and not so woes

I made a hard life decision on Sunday. I had to say goodbye to the one that has made my heart beat faster for the last three weeks. We had a crazy thing going and he wasn't ready to settle down. And well I'm too jealous of a girl to see it watch it blow up in my face. So there.

Actually ever since then I have been doing much better. Two friends, Ray and Hyrum came over and gave me a blessing that night. They made me write down reasons that my life stunk at that very second. I wrote down about 5 big ones. Then they taught me from the scriptures about Christ and how we should rely on him, trust in him, and turn to him in times of crisis. I have been turning to myself. Why is this not working? What am I do wrong? What does Kevin not like in me? Blah Blah Blah!!!!

Then they asked me how I felt after they taught me the parable of Christ calming the seas. I noticed that instead of feeling antsy, upset, and the burning in my heart that felt like someone was grasping it in not a nice way, I felt free and calm. The last few days have been hard without hearing from him, but as I focus on the Savior instead of me, it relives from the pain I feel from losing him.

Who knows what will happen with him! I don't know if he'll just figure things out one day and it will go back to the way it was supposed to be, or if I'll continue to realize that it is a blessing to be free from someone who never cared enough to stay. Either way, I have a date tonight with someone else and I am doing my part to move on.

On a crazier note, one of my trouble kids refused to participate and doesn't care when he is in trouble. I wanted to scream at him out of frustration, but I hugged him instead. It took him way off guard and even though he probably won't change right away, love is the answer to everything.

Ogden has had a lot of ups and downs. More than I expected, but I also feel like I've grown a whole heap and well good learning just doesn't happen any other way. I love the school I am at! It's challenging at days because it is definitely not the traditional way to teach! That is why it is so amazing! One of my favorite families from the mission are being sealed this weekend and there is no greater feeling than that at this point in my life.

As holidays start rolling towards us, I am realizing how much I want and need my friends in my life. Ogden can be lonely at times and even though I have met great people, I haven't gotten that bond of friends that I really feel I need in my life. So thanks to all of you friends who care about me and keep in touch. Keeping in touch is a gift, I know, but life is so much better with friends surrounding you.