This weekend has been the best weekend of the year thus far. I have been deathly sick, but still I have learned so much about myself.
A friend that I met at a church dance about ten years ago was reunited with me this weekend. He found me on Facebook and I remembered him as the "nice, sweet brother type of guy," who I probably would never date. Well he filled out and lost the coke-bottle glasses he had, made those chunks of love into hunks of dove. His face is absolutely beautiful now. Sweet looking, nice-good Georgia boy. All you could ask for.
We started talking on the phone and all those years seemed liked days. We got to know each other again and then I invited him to come out to Vegas to "play." Well we made plans and as it came down to it, I was getting so excited. Then the flu hit me. Bloody flu! I was so excited and being sick was the one thing that that would ruin it all. But I sucked it up, took a lot of meds., used cover-up makeup to conceal the bags, and wore my cutest outfits to make up for my dreadful pink-eyed face. :)
He almost didn't come, but I begged. He wanted to I knew, but he also didn't want to risk getting sick. He took a chance and I did my best not to cough in his face.
I picked him up at the airport and it was like I had never missed a beat. It was so natural just to pick up where we left off. We had a lot to catch up on. We had only seen each other at the dances so we had a tiny connection to work with. But it was so easy with him. It felt so comfortable.
We did touristy things like going to the Hoover Dam, walking the strip, etc. He came to my school to see me teach, which was really cool. We were bummed because we almost took a helicopter ride next to the Hoover Dam, but it was too windy this weekend. He snapped pictures of everything. Everything except the most important thing to me in the world. I took him up by the temple because it is one of my favorite places in Las Vegas. It's the place where I feel the most peace in a city full of worldliness and sin. When we got there, there was an immediate peace and the wind blew softly on the palms. I felt like Heavenly Father was hugging me. I was sad my friend didn't share this same enthusiasm. He felt uncomfortable and I so wanted him to feel the level of peace I did. He seemed happy in his life and I was grateful for that. But it frustrates me when people settle for the happiness of this world. None of that stuff even matters. He is smart in so many ways. He's graduating with a Masters in April yet, he still lacks the knowledge that will help him for eternities.
We went to the Stratosphere and rode the elevator to the top. It was something I had been avoiding. I never wanted to go in this building. I always said on my mission I would avoid the strip. But he wanted to go and he was paying. So I went. I always felt like it was a world of sin. I imagined it as that tower from Lehi's dream. The "Great and Spacious Building". They had their fun and mocked those that were doing the right things. They laughed and danced and had no cares in the world. Well so I went.
It was an amazing sight. The city was filled with lights. I stayed in the observation lounge so long and just sat on the windows. My friend was freaked cause he thought I would fall right through. Whatever :) We walked out on the deck and the night air felt so nice. I was sad the deck didn't wrap around to the temple side. I so wanted to see the lights of the temple from the strip. It would have given me that same peace as earlier that day. I yearned for it.
I felt the Spirit even in that building. I looked at the beauty of what man had created. However, God created light and so I gave all the credit to him. It was the most beautiful sight and if it didn't cost 11.90 to ride that dumb elevator, I would do it once a week. Oh well.
I am so blessed with the knowledge that I have. I really take advantage of it sometimes. I've thought many times about whether it could work between my friend and me. He had so many of the qualities that I was looking for in a man. Actually he had all of them. Except one. I want to find someone who loves the Savior more than he loves me and will do anything to follow Him. Until then, I feel content to walk the world alone.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Oh no!
I am sick. I hardly ever get sick, but when I do, it's bad news. So I wouldn't be so concerned if I didn't have a special friend who was flying from Georgia RIGHT now just to come and see me. We haven't seen each other in about ten years and I am so excited to see him.
I met him at the church dances when I was 14. I was loud and outgoing and he was shy and quiet. Well the two of us together were perfect. Then he seriously dropped off the face of the earth. He was one of my many crushes so he got lost in the shuffle and was eventually forgotten. He says he stopped going to church 'cause he saw how many guys liked me. But I don't believe him. In any case we found each other on Facebook and have planned this little weekend for over a month. Sad day that I am sick!
You know, the Lord really wants to help you be good. This is one indication that he loves me. He knew I'd probably throw myself back at this guy, cause he looks really foxy now, :) but now that I'm sick, he wouldn't want to touch me with a ten-foot pole. I barely convinced him to get on the plane 30 minutes ago. I said, "You're not going to get sick." "I'm almost better." HAH! Definitely he will not like me next week....but in any case I hope it's a fun weekend. It will be interesting to see how awkward or comfortable we'll feel.
Anyway peachy is as peachy does!
Get er dun!
I met him at the church dances when I was 14. I was loud and outgoing and he was shy and quiet. Well the two of us together were perfect. Then he seriously dropped off the face of the earth. He was one of my many crushes so he got lost in the shuffle and was eventually forgotten. He says he stopped going to church 'cause he saw how many guys liked me. But I don't believe him. In any case we found each other on Facebook and have planned this little weekend for over a month. Sad day that I am sick!
You know, the Lord really wants to help you be good. This is one indication that he loves me. He knew I'd probably throw myself back at this guy, cause he looks really foxy now, :) but now that I'm sick, he wouldn't want to touch me with a ten-foot pole. I barely convinced him to get on the plane 30 minutes ago. I said, "You're not going to get sick." "I'm almost better." HAH! Definitely he will not like me next week....but in any case I hope it's a fun weekend. It will be interesting to see how awkward or comfortable we'll feel.
Anyway peachy is as peachy does!
Get er dun!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Friends...with conditions
I have been thinking about this...recently.
I was listening to my students chat in the lunchroom last Friday and was astonished to hear one conversation. One of the girls said, "I'm not going to be your best friend if you don't choose me." I almost interfered, but decided that I would rather let them learn the hard way. A lecture does no good sometimes and on my better judgement, I saw that this was one of those times. Well to complete the conditions, the other girl agreed. Too bad. I wish she would have said, "No!" "Take me as I am or you can't have me." It's not really in a second grader's vocabulary. Although.....it should be (Note to self! ;)
So I've been wondering what a person would be willing to do to complete a condition...for a friend. I thought about when I was little. I made these same conditions for friends and even family (shameful, I know). I won't be your best friend if you don't come stay the night. Other ones with my brothers, "If you play Barbies with me, I'll be your best sister." Like they had a choice. Honestly! I am the only girl. Well needless to say, Josh fell for it every time. He secretly liked it. It is kind of cool! Love ya!
Still I am ashamed that this is the world I grew up in. Bribing friends with deals to make their life easier for them. Some bribes are good and helpful to others. Others are manipulative and hurtful. Either way, they are here to stay. Sigh!
I even encountered one with a....friend recently. They seemed to feel like I needed conditions to handle myself around them. It makes me sad, but I think they are right. Blast it all! So my conditions were to get a boyfriend. Haha. What were they thinking? Did this person even know me at all? Hardly! Did this person know how much dating makes me puke inside my mouth? Obviously not! Actually it's not that terrible, but the taste is sometimes too bitter and I rest for awhile. I am currently resting and happy. But to this...friend and all others, please be careful about the conditions you make with friends. The conditions may be too difficult to fulfill and you might never be friends again. Sad day :)
I was listening to my students chat in the lunchroom last Friday and was astonished to hear one conversation. One of the girls said, "I'm not going to be your best friend if you don't choose me." I almost interfered, but decided that I would rather let them learn the hard way. A lecture does no good sometimes and on my better judgement, I saw that this was one of those times. Well to complete the conditions, the other girl agreed. Too bad. I wish she would have said, "No!" "Take me as I am or you can't have me." It's not really in a second grader's vocabulary. Although.....it should be (Note to self! ;)
So I've been wondering what a person would be willing to do to complete a condition...for a friend. I thought about when I was little. I made these same conditions for friends and even family (shameful, I know). I won't be your best friend if you don't come stay the night. Other ones with my brothers, "If you play Barbies with me, I'll be your best sister." Like they had a choice. Honestly! I am the only girl. Well needless to say, Josh fell for it every time. He secretly liked it. It is kind of cool! Love ya!
Still I am ashamed that this is the world I grew up in. Bribing friends with deals to make their life easier for them. Some bribes are good and helpful to others. Others are manipulative and hurtful. Either way, they are here to stay. Sigh!
I even encountered one with a....friend recently. They seemed to feel like I needed conditions to handle myself around them. It makes me sad, but I think they are right. Blast it all! So my conditions were to get a boyfriend. Haha. What were they thinking? Did this person even know me at all? Hardly! Did this person know how much dating makes me puke inside my mouth? Obviously not! Actually it's not that terrible, but the taste is sometimes too bitter and I rest for awhile. I am currently resting and happy. But to this...friend and all others, please be careful about the conditions you make with friends. The conditions may be too difficult to fulfill and you might never be friends again. Sad day :)
Sunday, February 24, 2008
recognition...
Sunday....always my favorite day of the week. Usually. Today has been an annoying. I guess I am a somewhat easy person to get along with, but I think I am only good in doses. And that's how I feel about alot of my freinds. I don't want to see them all the time. Moving in with friends is hard because you like to go visit them, but not live every waking minute with them. My best friend in high school, Gumber Ardner :) were best friends. But we had an interesting relationship. We were best friend in doses. I think we just love our own personal space, and we were good like that. We would barely even talk when we saw each other at parties, dances or other unplanned activities. But we would be best friends when no one else was around and we had planned it. Mmmmm....makes you wonder. We got in arguments alot too....but we said that these arguments made us grow closer. I don't know if that was the greatest philosophy, but it was ours.
We've since moved on, but we still keep in touch and we seem to pick up where we left off. But I don't know why I am like that. It's like I get tired of my friendships. I can tell you tons of best friends I had growing up and where are they now??? I even had so many in college and the friendships eventually fizzle.
Well sad day, I realize I'm not the world's greatest friend and I have errors in my little ole self.
We've since moved on, but we still keep in touch and we seem to pick up where we left off. But I don't know why I am like that. It's like I get tired of my friendships. I can tell you tons of best friends I had growing up and where are they now??? I even had so many in college and the friendships eventually fizzle.
Well sad day, I realize I'm not the world's greatest friend and I have errors in my little ole self.
Friday, February 22, 2008
my top priority....
I wish love was as simple as the movies. They fall madly in TRUE love but either run because of commitment issues, family issues, or "find yourself" issues. They spend years searching for the thing they have been looking for only to find that it had always been there. Usually a spouse, fiance or boy/girlfriend comes in to confuse the character, but in the end, the one holding their heart is the eventual winner.
Not so much nowadays. No one is willing to fight for their love. They'd rather take the more convenient way out or just forget about the old, flushing in the new, only to look back on their life as utter and complete emptiness.
I fell in true love about 4 years ago. He's married now, but I am shattered in every way possible. Once you find the one you think is the one you've been looking for, you start looking at that person with new eyes. "You're the one I thought about when I was at that party with (nameless)" You helped me fight the temptation. "You're the one I wrote a letter to when I was 14 and crazy about boys. " To settle me down it helped to focus on who my life might end up with. "I thought about you when I graduated and knew that it would make you proud." "When I saw all my friends married off suddenly, I cried for you to come and find me."
After sharing those intimate thoughts and feelings with a somewhat complete stranger, you feel a little empty and hopeless inside when you find that everything was a lie. Everything he had said, done, planned...was all a big honker lie. I'd opened my heart to a liar. I don't think I've ever trusted the same. Instead I get insanely jealous, possessive, and wedge my way out of people's lives' because of my intensity.
Am I sorry that I feel like that and that I've turned out this way? No. I am not. I grew a lot from my first love and he just led me to the next love. And he led me to the next and so on. I love this one song by Rascal Flatts and the lyrics say something like this...
Every long lost road, led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars. Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms. This much I know is true. That God blessed the "broken road" that led me straight to you.
I was talking to a friend yesterday and telling her I created this blog. She asked me why and I said, I guess I want there to be a witness of my life. One day I hope the one that I prayed for when I was crying, thought of when I was in temptation, and yearned for when I succeeded will one day read this and know he has always been my top priority.
Not so much nowadays. No one is willing to fight for their love. They'd rather take the more convenient way out or just forget about the old, flushing in the new, only to look back on their life as utter and complete emptiness.
I fell in true love about 4 years ago. He's married now, but I am shattered in every way possible. Once you find the one you think is the one you've been looking for, you start looking at that person with new eyes. "You're the one I thought about when I was at that party with (nameless)" You helped me fight the temptation. "You're the one I wrote a letter to when I was 14 and crazy about boys. " To settle me down it helped to focus on who my life might end up with. "I thought about you when I graduated and knew that it would make you proud." "When I saw all my friends married off suddenly, I cried for you to come and find me."
After sharing those intimate thoughts and feelings with a somewhat complete stranger, you feel a little empty and hopeless inside when you find that everything was a lie. Everything he had said, done, planned...was all a big honker lie. I'd opened my heart to a liar. I don't think I've ever trusted the same. Instead I get insanely jealous, possessive, and wedge my way out of people's lives' because of my intensity.
Am I sorry that I feel like that and that I've turned out this way? No. I am not. I grew a lot from my first love and he just led me to the next love. And he led me to the next and so on. I love this one song by Rascal Flatts and the lyrics say something like this...
Every long lost road, led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars. Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms. This much I know is true. That God blessed the "broken road" that led me straight to you.
I was talking to a friend yesterday and telling her I created this blog. She asked me why and I said, I guess I want there to be a witness of my life. One day I hope the one that I prayed for when I was crying, thought of when I was in temptation, and yearned for when I succeeded will one day read this and know he has always been my top priority.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Timing
Each day slides by without me realizing. I am more than halfway done with my student teaching. I have interviews with the Las Vegas district in a few weeks and I realize how soon I have to make big decisions. Scary much!!
There are a couple of places I have been thinking of lately, but none are really strong impressions.
-Georgia (of course) I would love to go back to where I feel the most comfortable
-Idaho I loved the district I did my practicum in
-Las Vegas Even though it's hot, I would teach in Henderson or a nicer inner city school
-Fort Worth I hate TX, but I would be close to my family---but sometimes that can be a negative experience
-Utah Yes the dreaded hated Utah! There are tons of job openings. And you wonder why!!! lol
-Arizona I love AZ and even though I hate busy cities, I might be willing to do it anyway
-Massachuets This is a 20/100 chance. But I love Boston and all of my Mom's family lives there
-Wyoming---lol they pay the most--don't hate!
Well there are random ones I think about...like Hawaii and Washington, but we'll see. I've recently wanted to teach in a DOD school (Army). I would love to go internationally in a few years. Like Italy!
Anyway big decisions. And all of it boils down to being in the right spot at the right time!
There are a couple of places I have been thinking of lately, but none are really strong impressions.
-Georgia (of course) I would love to go back to where I feel the most comfortable
-Idaho I loved the district I did my practicum in
-Las Vegas Even though it's hot, I would teach in Henderson or a nicer inner city school
-Fort Worth I hate TX, but I would be close to my family---but sometimes that can be a negative experience
-Utah Yes the dreaded hated Utah! There are tons of job openings. And you wonder why!!! lol
-Arizona I love AZ and even though I hate busy cities, I might be willing to do it anyway
-Massachuets This is a 20/100 chance. But I love Boston and all of my Mom's family lives there
-Wyoming---lol they pay the most--don't hate!
Well there are random ones I think about...like Hawaii and Washington, but we'll see. I've recently wanted to teach in a DOD school (Army). I would love to go internationally in a few years. Like Italy!
Anyway big decisions. And all of it boils down to being in the right spot at the right time!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Bring on the trials
I love my Old Testament institute class. I love the guy who is teaching it also. He was a bishop in the last ward I served in on my mission. He is amazing! Actually I have a high respect for any bishop. They have extremely hard jobs.
Tonight's topic was on trials and tribulations. For some reason, I think my life is filled with these "trials." We read Job and some of Jonah. I realized my trials were minute compared to theirs. But then again we can't compare our trials with others. I am sure Job would have a hard time with dating rejection as well :)
It was interesting to think about why trials are given to us or how they come about,
4 reasons:
-We bring them upon ourselves because of poor actions
-We have them in our lives because of the the poor actions of others whom God can't take their choices away just to make sure the sinners are condemned
-God wants us to learn and progress
-Some trials come through the natural occurrence of life (old life, cancer, tornadoes, etc)
I have been one to curse God for getting the same trial over and over, but I think I just haven't learned what He wants me to learn. Anyway it definitely put some things in perspective tonight.
Tonight's topic was on trials and tribulations. For some reason, I think my life is filled with these "trials." We read Job and some of Jonah. I realized my trials were minute compared to theirs. But then again we can't compare our trials with others. I am sure Job would have a hard time with dating rejection as well :)
It was interesting to think about why trials are given to us or how they come about,
4 reasons:
-We bring them upon ourselves because of poor actions
-We have them in our lives because of the the poor actions of others whom God can't take their choices away just to make sure the sinners are condemned
-God wants us to learn and progress
-Some trials come through the natural occurrence of life (old life, cancer, tornadoes, etc)
I have been one to curse God for getting the same trial over and over, but I think I just haven't learned what He wants me to learn. Anyway it definitely put some things in perspective tonight.
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