New Favorite Scripture

For obvious reasons, only to close friends who know my impatience in certain areas of my life, this scripture was amazing to find today:

Luke 20:19

"In patience, possess ye your souls." The footnote for possess is: preserve, win mastery
Can I get a woot woot! That is pretty much my love life times 70!

In dating, I am so quick to be the one to initiate everything. First to call, first to text, first to ask to hang out, next to call, next to text, next to ask a 2nd date. I actually don't like doing this no matter how much I actually DO do it. Recently I have met a friend...who has taught me more patience in a month than I have learned in a year. I want to be patient. I have actually prayed to be more patient lately...before I met him. So I wonder if that is the reason he is in my life now. I always jump the gun. It's my sparky personality...or maybe it's my insecure side that needs that protection of commitment. I know I will regret ruining any part of what's going on with our friendship. I am being more careful than ever...even though it's probably not apparent to him. He really has no idea how much I do actually hold back. I almost scared him away once....with how forward I was. Lol....it makes me laugh thinking about it! Luckily I sensed that and was smart to back up. Now the challenge of continuing to go days without hearing from him and hours without thinking about him. It's so easy during the week. I'm busy...not as busy as he is...but still busy enough where he doesn't drench my thoughts.

Gosh I hope he doesn't read this. He's been so observant lately...lol! Isn't that what I wanted?? Now I am realizing I might not be perfect enough for him. I wish I could find some kind of flaw with him...yet he seems to be the most wonderful person in my life currently other than a obvious few...and I have alot of those.

Sometimes I feel like it might not work because he is too good for me. But then I have a spiritual-reality check and realize that I am just as worthy of an opponent. In fact, I'm pretty top notch. I really don't have alot to offer as far as beauty, even though I think I'm beautiful in a different way. I love myself and sometimes even crack myself up ;) Good thing we all have one "hottest fan." I'm really not that good at any sports, I can't sing particularly well although I can dance and lead someone around the dance floor. I can't play a musical instrument and I forget people's names. I don't even know what my favorite song or movie is because my brain can't remember them!

But I do have something to offer that is pure and dependable. I know without a doubt what I believe is true...and I will remain faithful forever. I can count on two hands how many times I've missed church in my whole life...and that is not to brag or say that's the thing that makes me religious. Going to church makes me whole. I have an amazing relationship with my Heavenly Father. He is my Father and I know he loves me. I've always felt that...and never wavered in my faith. I might have struggled with a few temptations along the journey, but I have never doubted. I know what I believe! If this friend of mine is looking for someone who is worthy, will remain faithful, and who loves the Lord, then I am the girl he is looking for. Tht would scare him if he read that! (he is fearful of marriage, well who isn't?) If that is not high on his priority list, I should probably find that out soon. :) He doesn't strike me as someone who would not want that. He is being careful....for his benefit which has actually really helped me just enjoy him and understand him so much more. To my few faithful readers, :) this guy is amazing and even though we're only friends so far, he is the one I am interested in. So stop asking me :) I haven't given up on love despite how hard it's been. Each person has led me to what I feel is the next best thing. "The Broken Road" by Rascall Flatts...okay that's one of my favorite songs.....that is my theme in dating.

Anyway...just a few random personal thoughts lately.

memories....

I found this quote in a talk by Pres. Thomas S. Monson and it describes exactly the way I feel about my life right now.

"God gave us memories, that we might have June roses in the December of our lives." James Barries

I thought was unique to the way I feel now. The last 6 months have been remarkably hard for me. I changed so much about me. I moved to a new state where I knew no one. I took on a career that is never-ending, draining, and time consuming. It effects me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I have dated boys that have drained me spiritually and mentally. I have discovered things about my family that would have made bananas peel themselves....it's just been a rough few months. But I have so much to be grateful for right now. At a time when it has all come down, I am so proud of myself for not giving in or up.

I have made a few choice friends where I value their friendship almost as much as I need my family. They have truly been there through happy and sad times. I've learned that my parents are human and with that comes faults of their own. It is a sign and step of maturity to realize and not let that stand in the way of our relationship.

And truly...my memories are what is getting me through the dark and dreary times. It does not good to dwell on the hurtful and sad memories of the past, but there is a great deal of happiness when I look back to the good ones. I have decided to make a quilt. A t-shirt quilt. When I was home for break, I realized I had over 30 t-shirts. Random dance, 4-H, choir, school-related, and Florida shirts. I didn't want to part with them, but I have just as much stuff at my parents house that I do in my apartment in Ogden. So I decided to rip them up and to make a quilt out of them. I don't like to sew, so this ought to be fun ;)

More than ever I am relying on my testimony of Jesus Christ. I have unintentionally blamed God for the failures and disappointments of the last few months. Quite the opposite, they are the only ones who held me while I cried, and sent that bit of piece in troubling and uncertain times. I have been blessed beyond measure in my move to Ogden and I finally feel like...this is the place!

My New Year's Resoultions 2009

So I really have alot of things I need to work on this year! I did extremely well the first three months and then just dropped off my rocker.

I started to see a downward slope when I stopped doing the every day things: writing in my journal, not reading scriptures like I should, being lax on the way I converse with people, and prayers.

I made alot of "friends" that just wanted to make out with me and that just lowered all the expectations for myself. And I started cussing every once in awhile---especially with Jeremy!

So here are some things I want to work on:

• Definitely want to limit the pop music I listen to. I love it because I can dance easily to it, but it's so degrading and it wears on my mood.


• I want to continue to take the St. John's Wart, counseling. and write in the weekly journal. But this time I'll flip the journal over and do it backwards because the front ones have already been done.


• I want to take better care of myself...aka exercise. I'm going to sign up at the Weber College gym. It is not great I am sure, but it's local and I live close enough to it.


• For my Jesus present this year, I put that I want to get my MRS. I have not put that ever on my goals because I was so scared it wouldn't happen. But I really want that...so I am going to be more of a rabbit this year! That means letting the guys call me, ask me out, and become interested in me. That also means that I can't give them too much at one time, save those cuddling moments only for people that I date, and to bounce back easily when I am rejected.


• My poor students....sometimes I just don't have enough energy. I just can't give enough to them. I try and try to work on lessons but I am just not motivated enough. So I am going to set aside....Wednesday to plan my lessons. I am going to work on it until I am blue in the face. My students deserve to have their class prepared.


• Spiritual goals are by far the more important goals for me this year: I need to attend the temple on a regular scheduled school week at least once a week, and at least once every two weeks when I am still in driving distance of 30 minutes. Summertime seemed to be busy so at least once a month for those summer months. Scripture STUDY is a must. Some days are great and sometimes I have to force myself to read one chapter. I hate that I'm not dedicated all the time. Then my prayers need extra work. Because my schedule is getting permanent, I should be getting better at morning prayers...but yet it is something I've always struggled with. So I want to work on that. And my night prayers need to be full of more gratitude. I definitely need to be more supportive of my dad as he is struggling with his own spiritual progress. I want to be more supportive to my mother and brothers as well. We all are having our own spiritual battles and I should not make it harder on them.

SO now for the fun ones!

• Snowboarding/skiing for the first time


• EFY counselor this summer


• Write more on my book...take time off when needed


• Continue with my children book series


• Keep dancing..at least once a month


• Want to travel internationally (Definitely Germany)


• Work on my motivational talks


• This might be impossible, but I've always wanted to learn to play the piano.

Ok that is it for now. I always get my craziest ideas in the middle of the year so I am sure this list will continue to be updated. Which is good...it means I am constanly working on my goals.

Hoole...and other distractions

I've recently gotten into this amazing book series. Actually my life is kind of trapped in them currently. It is great to have a break from home...but there reasons to hide myself in my room. So I read this amazing book series in the meantime.

My classes have been doing their expedition on birds. Bird this..birds that. Well during the summer when I was researching to get myself ready I came across a book called Capture by Kathryn Lasky. It was amazing. It taught lessons about how you should follow your heart and cling to your past to help you make decisions in the future. It was about owl kingdoms that were in danger of complete and utter distraction, if not for the Guardians of GaHoole who rise each night to perform noble deeds, make strong the weak, vanquish the proud...etc. I read the first one to my crew and we ended up reading the first three together. Well since I have so much time on my hands I am now on book 9. I have slowed a bit because I got all the seasons of Office for Christmas...and my eyes hurt from scanning back and forth. So I have had a chronic headache the last few days. But still I am enthralled. It has "captured" my attention even more than the Twilight or Harry Potter series. It teaches lessons about the gizzard (the heart).

It is my outlet for the time being...but changes are coming and I feel them. There are so many goals I have myself for this coming up year. I want to start writing again and preparing my motivational talks. I want to do something outlandish this summer....possibly Germany in the near future. I miss a dear friend there. I want to look into starting my Masters. I'm impatient to have my own family...but I guess I should be using this time wisely. I hear so many couples wishing that they would have found each other later in life so they could achieve their single dreams. I feel no such hold back. I can't wait for the day that I no longer have to fill my time with unfulfilled dreams to be accomplished by myself. I'm ready to work as a team player.

In the meantime...books, writing, teaching, occasional dating, dancing, and keeping myself on the straight and narrow!

12-3-08

It's been awhile. I have avoided updating my life because there is not always alot of good stuff going on and I don't want to disappoint my readers. ;)

Events in my life have been up and down as always, but there are many celebrations. I made it through the first few months of school without killing myself or any of the students. ;) I've met alot of people here in Ogden and have learned what true friendship means and who you're true friends really are. I miss those that are far away from me.

I am excited for a new year. I need a few dramatic changes and a few chances to start over. This year there was alot of improvement and alot of things I learned about myself, but I am grateful for the progress I have made. Sometimes certain things have happened or I have been hurt along the way, but then I have to look at where I was and where I currently am.

I went to Tennessee to visit with family. It was alot of fun to spend time with my nieces and brother and sister-in-law. I am excited to take some time off from school in three weeks. There is so much to do and I never have breathing time. So endure is what is the goal for the next few weeks.

drained...

So I've decided to so things differently the last two weeks. But I am finding that bad habits are hard to break. I am ready for a break already.

I'm going to Tennessee for Thanksgiving and Texas for Christmas. The breaks are not coming soon enough. I get excited about things and certain things that I should be excited about...I'm not. I get disappointed if things don't work out or if plans fall through.

I've picked up a few projects again and I'm getting more and more used to my surroundings in Utah. The dating is still a failure so far, but what can you do but keep moving forward? I wish I didn't have that problem anymore.

School is tiring. Mono is going around in our school and I just hope I can avoid catching any sicknesses. It would be so hard to make up substitute lesson plans. Our school is so unique that I would hate to be a substitute coming to our school. It's ridiculously organized.

Mmmm not the best update, but I feel so....drained. I had an amazing week last week and I was mostly happy. I need that kind of week again.

11-5-08

I've made a few life changes lately and I am doing great. One of the goals I have made is to be happy. Eternally happy. Whatever it takes! Sometimes that will mean giving up what I want and waiting on the Lord. I am OK with that ;) I've had a hard past few months and I am tired of it. I want control of my life again and I have tried as much as I can.

So I am moving to another phase..similar to what happened in April to me...but more permanent.

School is great...busy...but an adventure. OK that's the update for now! My new haircut is on here. I got it in Idaho at a Spa with my best friends. We pampered ourselves and spent lots of money! ;)