10 years mission reunion

So I am reflecting on my missionary journals.  I'll update this as I read them.  Its so interesting to see how much I changed.

First of all MTC.....wow! Mind not on the sidewalk thanks to good old Pendleton and sweet ole Dedrickson.  The people who literally made my MTC experience normal.  Even though one is an elder, and the other was not even my companion, I gleaned so much from them for support.  I lacked a companion who would help me enjoy my mission from the start.  Only later I realized it lies within myself to find out who I was as a missionary, as a person.  My MTC experience was all but normal.  My district never got along, we were constantly off-task, and missionary work was the last thing on some of our minds.  I cannot speak for the others, but I was definitely embarrassed and a little ashamed that I wasted so much time in a place that I could have grown so much from.

I did eventually find my groove in the MTC.  It was hard with a companion with whom I felt struggled to want to be there, but I eventually told myself I was not there for her.  I came because I loved what I believe and I wanted to share that with others.  My best experience there was in the TRC, the Teaching Resource Center.  This is where "Fake investigators" come and hear lessons that we practice on them.  Well I did not know this the first lesson we taught.  I was convinced our "investigator" was really not a member.  She looked so interested.  She said she did not have a Book of Mormon and so I left the room desperate to find a Book of Mormon.  No one had one, and finally, my companion rudely laughed me to shame and told me they were volunteer members.  Well the experience was ruined, but I will never forgot that one authentic experience that excited me about what I would be doing for the next 18 months.  I was ready at that point to start.

After I endured the MTC, I made it to the greatest mission in the world.  Casinos everywhere as I stepped out of the plane, elders dodging every pornographic wall.  Welcome to Vegas.

At my first Transfer Conference I was scared to death.  I saw the elders that were going home and thought, "Man, that is going to be me...in a long time."  I knew the sister who sung at the meeting would end of being my companion. She smiled at me alot with her very wild red lipstick.  She was eccentric from the start, bless her heart.  As I re-read all the experiences I had with Sr. Wiggins, I can't believe how much she prepared me for the rest of my mission.

One of the comments she told me at one of our companionship inventory, which I resented at the time, but now understand.  She said I was a fireball that needed to be aimed.  There are so many little things I learned from Serenity.  I remember how much we sang together, how much she tried so hard to follow the Spirit, and how she tried to be positive in everything that she did.

Home for the Holidays

We decided this year not to go to Texas for Christmas and thank goodness we didn't.  We were sick as dogs from all the little bugs we caught from friends at school and play.  We would have been miserable.  We have made the best of it and have enjoyed being at home this Christmas season.  The hardest thing has been to watch Freddy be so sick.  First he had the flu, and then Fred and I caught it a day later.  We were all taking turns at the porcelain god and it was no fun!  Freddy then caught a cold from the sitters and it passed through us right on Christmas Day. NO fun!

Regardless of the sickness, we had a great Christmas.  It was so fun dressing Freddy in cute Christmas outfits  to show him the lights for the first time and to do little things as a family.  I know next year will be more exciting, but we still enjoyed all of these precious moments with him.

Mimi was able to come and visit for two weekends during her conference and that was nice since we can't visit them.  We miss you though Papa Flake.  On Christmas Eve, we still did our tradition of Jesus presents.  I have done it every year now since I was 2 or 3.  You write down things you want to work on for the next year, spiritual goals, and then you receive a spiritual gift from Jesus.  Freddy got a book about the Book of Mormon, I got a nativity set, and Fred got some much needed garments.

On Christmas Day, because we were so sick, the big gifts, we covered in a blanket, or wrapped shabbily with newspaper. :)  We were tired and dick to care. :)  Fred and Freddy loved their sled.  Fred loved his tent pavilion and we both loved our Fire pit.  We spent the afternoon and evening with the Rabe's.  I was too sick to get too involved, but we had fun nonetheless.  We are so grateful for Jesus Christ and all he has done for us.

 Celebrating his birth seems so minimal to the sacrifice he has made for us.  Our hopes for this year is to reach more to others, and enjoy special moments more often as a family.  Merry Christmas to all.

The Election of Never

Wow...I must report on the Election lessons I have learned over the last few weeks.  I do not want a repeat in four years.

I had never voted until this election....ever.  I was always in another state and needed an out-of-state ballot.  I also didn't care much about the leaders of a state I didn't even live in for the majority of the year.  I moved to Utah and five years later, I finally got a Utah licence   When they asked me if I wanted to register as a voter, there was no question in my mind.  This election coming up between Romney/Obama was too crucial.

With Freddy being born recently, I felt I owed it to him to try to vote for who I thought were good leaders.  They would impact him now as well and that worried me.  Actually it caused me great a deal of stress and anxiety.

I did not know enough about either one of the candidates to really judge, although I cling to the Republican side more than I do the Democratic side.  Romney was the Republican shoe-in and even though he was wishy-washy at times, I knew that America needed a change.  It seemed people had voted in Obama in the first place because they wanted to see an African American in the White House.  My friends down south would assume I am racist with this comment, but if you are not fit for the job, it doesn't matter what color you are.  Obama was not fit for the job, thus the trillions of dollars of debt we now have.

I posted different ads and campaigns that might help convince the other party how wrong they were about their choice.  I wanted to post a few, but I also want to put this behind me and not remember how I behaved.  I should have positively portrayed my side without bias, and encouraged others to become politically involved.  

Most would assume I would vote for Romney because he is a member of my church.  I am a very devout LDS member, who is imperfect mind you.  But that does not mean everyone is.  I admit that one good thing about Romney not making President is that the LDS church will not be in the spotlight and under the heavy scrutiny of ignorant and critical people.

More than anything in the world, I know that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is true and that Heavenly Father is in charge.  Not Obama, and when I felt that assurance after the results were in, I knew then that I could deal with this new change.  I needed to stop putting my trust in Romney.  Stop putting my trust in the common man to open their eyes to see the truth.  Stop mud-slinging political propaganda that only made opposers upset, and open my own eyes to see that whatever was going to happen did happen.

I feel at peace with this new knowledge that I have learned.  That God is in charge and he has allowed this to happen.  And now is the time to be the best Christian I can be and rise above the dust.

Best days of our lives

I have to say, and I think Fred will agree (He does :), these have been some of the happiest moments of our life.  Honestly, that is a true blessing for me.  I had a rough few years for a time there, and had a hard time finding happiness.  I got very discouraged along the way, and even when we were first married, I had a difficult time adjusting to that change.  But having Freddy in our lives has been the best and happiest life changer of my life.  We love him so much and couldn't imagine what life would be like without him.  I feel so sad when I find happy and willing couples that just cannot have babies, and my heart goes out to them.

I worried I would be so tired at the end of each school day and I would be annoyed that I would have another "child" to take care of.  This has not been so, although the toddler years are not here yet :)

My babysitter has children at my school, so occasionally I see her volunteering and I run to find Freddy.  I eat lunch with him and go to my classroom, lock the door, and just squeeze every moment I can with him.  There is nothing I want more in this world than to be at home with him.  But that is not an option right now, and I am trying to make the most of it.   I know stay at home moms get tired of staying at home, pursuing their own dreams, or feel like they can't escape the madness.  And I feel for them...but not alot.  What I wouldn't give to not have to work, but to just stay at home raising, being, and loving my children.  I guess it has helped me appreciate every special moment, and other than losing sleep every once in awhile, I feel no need to whine, complain, or vent.  I relish every moment I can, and pray in the future, things will be different.

But for now, we are doing the best we can.  We've made so many repairs, and yet, our house looks so decrepit from the outside (Next summer :)  We fulfill our church callings.  We love being with our extended family.  We love being together.

Life continues

It's been a month of adjustment for the Rabe Family!  I have had a particularly hard time going back to work (My boss has commented several times that I am grumpy!)  Well a teacher cannot thrive in that kind of atmosphere!  After the first time saying it, it really starts to feel like he is targeting me.  I have tried extra hard to be cheerful, but I think he mistakes my sarcasm as unhappiness.  Gotta work on that!

I have a rough bunch of kids this year that constantly have me on my toes!  The first week a boy put a stapler all the way through his finger!  He's a crazy one.  They are all sweet kids, it just takes some time to adjust to them.

It was so hard to drop Freddy off with the babysitter for the first official time.  It is getting easier, but I breathe a sigh of relief when I pick little Freddy up in the afternoon knowing I get to spend the rest of the day with him and Fred.  We do have a great babysitter though.  Chelsea is perfect, and she has a one year old that little Freddy watches and smiles at all day.  :)

I worried that when I picked up Freddy in the afternoon I would be frustrated, tired, and would not want to act as "mommy!"  The opposite has happened although and he rejuvenates me and helps me forgot about my worries.  I love this little boy more than words can say.  We are praying Fred gets a job in Ogden with MarketStar now that his year mark is past.  No luck so far, but we are praying.  Two hour commutes there and back, really wears on him.

We are also praying that my mom finds a job closer to us...it would sure be great to have my family near us.  I love having the Rabe family near us.  We have so many fun times together.  I feel so lucky to have married into such a wonderful family close by.  I never had family growing up near to me, and it such a good change. We have dinners on Sunday, holidays together, and we try to be there for the little and big events.  I never ad that and it would be great to have both families nearby.

Well this is us n a nutshell....a new happy family!

Cough scare

So Freddy has been a little sick for the last few weeks and it has given us quite a scare.  He was breathing heavy progressively each night and his cough developed more and more every day.  It's a little scary when someone so little coughs ten times in a row without stopping.  We got him checked out for RSV and it turns out he just has a nasty cold. I guess it's better to pay the doctor to find out it is really nothing.  It sets your mind at ease.  We are praying for a speedy recovery through his first major cold!

Baby drooling

I have always hated baby drool. Always. I've wondered how parents can just deal with being spit up on, licked, drooled on, etc. The last few days I've noticed an increase of saliva. I'll lay him on his stomach for a few minutes and there will be a pool of drool when I pick him. I let him sit up and a little spittle will run down his shirt. The other night I was holding him and I felt a wetness on my shirt. I lokked down and saw a shiny spot on my shoulder. He had drooled all over it. I looked at him and he smiled. I smiled. Wow how my opinion has changed. It was a sweet moment and the drool did not bother me at all. He has such a sweet smile, it makes me melt. No boy has ever won me over this quickly! He has my heart forever...