whole again

So this week was General Conference for our church. It is when the Apostles and Prophet speaks to the church as a collective group. It is an amazing time of receiving answers, counsel, and making changes. That is exactly what happened. The week kicked off with my mission reunion. It was the hardest thing to walk up to Pres and Sr. Wadsworth without someone to introduce them to. It was great to see some of my old companions and friends from the mission.

I stayed with friends from Georgia and watched conference with them. There were a lot of good talks and lots of counsel given. I have much to improve on and much to be grateful for.

It was painfully hard for me when Kevin called just to say hello. He had already done it three times this week. He had been to the priesthood conference and he said that things were different and he needed to talk. I was freaking out. I had just poured my whole soul to him on Wednesday of how I am not doing well without him, I miss him terrible, and I just didn't feel whole. He didn't say anything back and I had just planned moving on and accepting that we would probably never be together ever again.

I started thinking about the opposite side now and trying not to get my hopes up while also trying to be so happy that I could burst. It was hard sleeping on the days he called. But last night was just ridiculous. I just imagined every possible scenario that could happen when we planned to meet the next day and he would tell me everything.

So the next day rolled by....very slowly. I didn't see Kevin until 6:30 that night. He was waiting for me in the church parking lot when I drove up. He hugged me with the "I missed you" hug and I knew everything would be alright. He sat me down on the grass. He had his journal with him and started telling me about the priesthood conference. He told me that he was really focused when all of a sudden I popped into his mind. He wrote my name down and underneath wrote, "feel different about her." I don't know what else he said after that cause I was already in la la land by now. He pictured himself marrying me, but then he only thought of three reasons why: physical connection, socially capable, and worthy. He needed to see me in many types of situations. So we needed to date.

Then the cutest thing happened. He took me in his arms and whispered in my ear, "So will you forgive me and take me back." I looked up his beautiful green eyes and just got lost. I stared for awhile and he shifted uncomfortably and asked again. I smiled and almost laughingly said, "Yes!" From that moment on we laughed and held each other and I haven't been so content since the moment he has left my arms. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that the future without Kevin looks very bleak to me and I don't want to be without him as long as I have a say! He is my heart!